I don’t even know where to start with this.
I had to walk away from two people. One, because when I came out to her (pansexual), she started misspelling my name (like instead of Jay it would be Gay), excluding me, and just ignoring me straight up but sugar coatin’ shit like aight how about you tell me what’s wrong instead of being a bootyass. The other one was because she just turned mean all of a sudden??? Like in my junior year she just walked up to me and said “Wow, you look really ugly when you don’t smile” which caused me to come home crying and I posted a picture of myself crying with a poorly drawn smile covering my mouth that was a really bad day. She was one of the most shittiest, toxic person I’ve ever met.

But now, one year after graduating high school, I’ve came to realize my other girl friend didn’t fucking like me. I didn’t fucking do anything. But at least I know why I never got invited to A LOT of things. It wasn’t because I lived too far (ah, yes, 10 fucking minutes away..). It wasn’t because they didn’t think I would like it (I was super.. strange back in high school especially freshman&junior year. Dark. Tried to hate everything. Ahhh lovely years.) It was because they all fucking hated me. Jfc I’m sorry but it actually kind of hurts my feelings;; My best friend from high school thinks she’s just jealous cause she could’ve wanted the guy who wanted me for two years. Or that the rest of the group (her and two other guys) gave me so much attention and love sometimes.. but you know, I think I deserved that love and attention honestly because I couldn’t fucking bear the world for so long. I needed some positive feelings.

Two “friends” fucking disliking me— I didn’t really mind. But three.. it fucking hurts. I’m not hurt that she disliked me. I ‘m hurt because I grew up with no friends, so I thought this would be my clique. Friends forever shit. I used to be pretty satisfied with the group in my freshman year and think about it all the time and want to go to school always to be with them, so it kind of sucks ass it was all fake. That quote "After high school you realize you were only friends with some people because you saw them five times a week. " has been in my mind ever since finding this out. 


"And if you’re in love, the you are the lucky one, cause’ most of us are bitter over someone."
Youth- Daughter
It’s 3am-
You’re sleeping,
I’m dying. 6 word poem. (via our-twisted-dream)

(via mygreydiary)